First batch of Gavin St Pier action figures recalled

The first batch of patiently awaited Gavin St Pier action figures has been recalled thanks to an “excess of hair”.

A representative from Power Toys gave us the scoop: “It’s possible to add hair and it’s possible to not have hair. But the line we’re treading here is way too fine.”

By way of an apology for the delay in production, Power Toys sent Mr St Pier a one-of-a-kind cowboy doll, modified to only say, “You’re my favourite deputy!” when the string is pulled.

Mr St Pier seemed pleased with the gesture and will no doubt enjoy the cowboy in the interim, until he can play with himself in the way he’s always wanted.

The toy line is also set to include a John Gollop with adjustable tie and karate-chop action.

The Guern spoke with Zack, a 9-year-old tasked with testing the prototypes. He said this was a great opportunity for children.

“I’ve always wanted a Gavin or a John,” he continued. “Other kids might be wowed by bright lights and noise – those superheroes that fly and wear capes.

“For me, recreation time has always been about the solitary pursuit of justice, truth and leadership which is truly embodied by elected officials, not thugs in tights.

“Unfortunately it looks nothing like him.

“It’s just a shame the aesthetics are off with these mark ones, this pretty-boy Hollywood do they tried to slip by me has none of the charisma I recommended. Gavin has more of a regal whisper of hair.”

Zack then gestured to a large poster of Gavin St Pier on his wall: a hero every boy can look up to.