Hero peacock slain
By Ozzy Ozanne
A murder investigation is underway in Jersey after a peacock was mown down in cold...
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Giant Flaming Dog Captured After Extended Chase
By Maurice Charpentier
The rare kaiju retriever was brought to justice earlier this evening after a long chase...
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Officer arrests self for being fucking creepy bastard
By Cordelia Elizabeth Gaudion-Grut
A local police officer has been convicted of being a fucking creepy bastard. It should...
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Top Gun and Jurassic World Pulled After Teen Flies F15 Raptor into Screening
By Ozzy Ozanne
It’s been a dark month for Mallard staff, Minions fans, and cinemagoers. A teenage boy flew an F15 Raptor through the Mallard’s legendary Screen Two,...
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Island’s agricultural shows in doubt after giant tomato mishap
By Maurice Charpentier
The island’s vegetable growers have been dealt a devastating blow during this year’s competitive season. It comes after one local horticulturalist grew a tomato so...
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Puffin&Sons Media launch BailiFlicks streaming service
By Maurice Charpentier
Local media startup Puffin&Sons have announced a new localised streaming service, known as BailiFlicks. The app, which will soon be available on app stores locally,...
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Guern Guide: 10 Scenes That Prepared Us For Lockdown
By Guy Gaudion
The idea of lockdown is tough for a Guern. Being indoors all day is a new phenomenon for a lot of us. As islanders, we’re...
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Torteval Scarecrow Festival ruined by scared crow
By Ozzy Ozanne
A scared crow has horrified festival goers as he razed the annual scarecrow festival to the ground. Untold damage was caused when the errant bird...
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Posts published in “Haute Cuisine”

Rat Found in Pint of Breda Improves Taste, Launches Trend

By Maurice Charpentier on May 26, 2022

An unnamed Bridge pub, discreetly reported as T. Mariners, accidentally served a pint of Breda with a floating rat in it two weeks ago. To…

Guernsey Books Willy’s Chocolate Experience for West Show
By Lisa Le Moigne
"Any child who agrees to work for us gets free Oompa Loompa face paint and to beat fat children with sticks, in spirit with the original tale."
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Horses to require number plates from Monday
By The Guern
Guernsey horses will require number plates on island roads starting from Monday. This follows a successful pilot program in Sark, where locals are said to...
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Island shits its shelves due to wind
By Maurice Charpentier
Island fears wind or possibly wind shortage. Islanders prepare for a difficult weather siege by bringing in chairs, clearing shelves, and taping down their cows...
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Lockdown Day 11: Gavin St Pier’s hair grows down to his arse
By Lisa Le Moigne on February 3, 2021
Eleven days into the lockdown and further tragic news has hit the island. It seems local politicians are feeling the pinch the same as the...
Island’s agricultural shows in doubt after giant tomato mishap
By Maurice Charpentier on August 12, 2020
The island’s vegetable growers have been dealt a devastating blow during this year’s competitive season. It comes after one local horticulturalist grew a tomato so...