"Any child who agrees to work for us gets free Oompa Loompa face paint and to beat fat children with sticks, in spirit with the original tale."
The Guern
Both Channel Islands that matter are soon to be run exclusively by Lyndons. This comes after a suspiciously timed pro-Lyndon coup which happened earlier…
A murder investigation is underway in Jersey after a peacock was mown down in cold blood. Mr Percy, a 15-year-old peacock, was slain over the…
Guernsey horses will require number plates on island roads starting from Monday. This follows a successful pilot program in Sark, where locals are said to…
Island fears wind or possibly wind shortage. Islanders prepare for a difficult weather siege by bringing in chairs, clearing shelves, and taping down their cows…
The rare kaiju retriever was brought to justice earlier this evening after a long chase across Vale common. The whole island was shook. Authorities were able…
It’s been a dark month for Mallard staff, Minions fans, and cinemagoers. A teenage boy flew an F15 Raptor through the Mallard’s legendary Screen Two,…
Judges, parents, and childless freaks gathered at La Mare field for the annual Baby of the Year Awards 2022. Young children were eyed and paraded…
An unnamed Bridge pub, discreetly reported as T. Mariners, accidentally served a pint of Breda with a floating rat in it two weeks ago. To…
Beau Sejour has made a radical decision this week after their sport floor was officially declared worst in the world. Gillian Guille-Gill, Beau Sejour’s VP…
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